We’ve all been there. You’re stuck in traffic, anxiously watching the clock. You’re replaying a conversation in your head, wishing you had said something different. You’re worrying about a decision a friend is about to make. In each of these moments, you’re trying to control something that is completely out of your hands.
This struggle is the source of so much of our anxiety and frustration. The need to control our circumstances is a natural part of being human, but when we fight an unwinnable battle against the uncontrollable, we are the only ones who lose. The ultimate freedom isn't found in a perfect life; it's found in the ability to let go.
The Illusion of Control
Our brains are wired to seek certainty. We believe that if we can just think hard enough, plan enough, or worry enough, we can prevent bad things from happening. But this is an illusion. We can’t control other people’s opinions, the past, or the unpredictable twists and turns of life. The more we try to, the more exhausted and stressed we become. Letting go isn't about being passive; it’s about choosing where to invest your precious time and energy.
The Two Buckets Rule
To know what to let go of, it helps to sort life's events into two simple buckets.
Bucket One: What You Can Control. This is where all your power lies. This bucket includes your effort, your attitude, your response to a situation, and your self-care. Focus on these things. When you redirect your energy here, you feel empowered and capable, regardless of what's happening around you.
Bucket Two: What You Can't Control. This is the bucket to release. It holds things like the past, other people's actions and opinions, the weather, and the global economy. Holding onto these things is a futile exercise that only creates suffering.
The Practice of Letting Go
Letting go is not something you do once; it's a practice you cultivate.
Mindful Acknowledgment: The next time you feel frustrated, pause and ask yourself: "Is this in my control?" If the answer is no, simply acknowledge the feeling without judgment, then take a deep breath.
Breathe and Release: A simple breath can be a powerful tool. Breathe in for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. As you exhale, imagine releasing the frustration, the worry, and the need to control.
Reframe Your Focus: Immediately after letting go, consciously turn your attention to something in your "can control" bucket. If you're stressed about a difficult conversation, shift your focus to how you will prepare for it with a calm and kind attitude.
Letting go is an act of strength, not weakness. It's the ultimate act of self-preservation that allows you to stop living in a state of constant anxiety and start living in a state of peace.